I Should Stay Away From Me

it's all a lie. it's all your game
think its not on you who I to blame
I dont know what to say or feel
what he said was so true and too real
I am now scared of myself
scared to talk or share this to anybody else.
it is now 3 minutes past my birthday
what i am doing is crying it away
I got lots friends and yet none
needed them. they never there
there's nothing they could have done.
I am just too much of me
thinking thinking thinking
i need it stop already!
Feelings are too easily crushed
what can it do, this thing called trust?
Can I believe all things told by you
and at the same time everything he says too?
Was i born yesterday?
falling into pool of words everybody says.
I need to break this cycle
crying every night should not be possible.
I still want the bright soul to stay in
wish i knew how to begin.
I am too closed to sadness and this
relationship should soon
end.

A Tiger Longing to be Tamed.

There is a something inside my head.
It banged and rocked my inner state.
Untamed, savage spirited bound
always too wild always too loud.
A furious tiger locked up in my head.
each day is fed nothing but rage.
The poor sad animal itself, hate.
can't feel a soul in its body,
prancing in this box so tiny.
anything it is, but steady.
It does not long to be free
but controlled.
It wants the heart to feel the soul
to be tamed...
to be loved, to be the whole.
The hunter who does not fear
what he beholds.
Sad. Never met such a hunter
Only those who love hunting
who leave once the game's over.
Nobody dares to tame me.
I'm too wild. too chaotic. too crazy.
The tiger should forever be locked
inside me.

An Argument

Dear Heart,

we should quit him tonight.

leave it all behind

when stars are brightest bright.

This is not where we should be

lets go, come come, Heart, I plea.

He had you..

don't let he have me.

I love him as much as you do

but I can't let him do what he's about to.

I can't risk his charm and all

with this bottomless pit we both may fall.

If you choose to stay, I can't really go.

i'll stick with you

tho what to do, I not know.

We'll figure everything out..

i guess...tomorrow..

Oh Dear You Missed Me

Oh dear you missed me today

Yes yes you did miss my

sparkling eyes.

I am beautiful for you tonight

inside and out

we could have been on cloud nine.

You and your world are way too close

by work you are abide.

Would you know this moment I miss you most

and for the first time I want you all mine.

Oh dear you really missed me this night

This night when my eyes are more than bright

Everything doesn't really mean anything

for you can't be found on my side.

And you came on Saturday

And you came on this night of Saturday

making my June way better than my May

I was super happy I didn't know what to say.

Finally I know you 

are my Nate Archibald

grey shirt, black pants 

fierce hair style, sexy eyes and all.

You kissed me on my right cheek

and it didn't make me weak

what it did make was me 

unable to talk or speak.

My friend said you were a man of surprise

and I have to admit he was right

I was really really glad 

you came tonight..

and I really really want to 

kiss you next time

if that's alright :*P

My Listing Poem: You are and I am

You are November
You are Saturday
deadly charming eyes
swept me off in May.

You are Blue
You are Yellow
most alluring real time Iago.

You are Pride
You are Arrogant
You are Darcy and Dutchie
That's what 's important.

I am Female
I am Crazy
I am A Girl Who Likes To Read
as You have mentioned.

I am June
I am Thursday
I am glad we met today.

June has just come
and I quite like it,
I would like it more than May
If you decide to come this Saturday,
X.

Blue Eyes

You are washing away my dreary days
with your bright blue eyes
which never seemed so bright until today
when they beautifully met mine.

A Broken Jorney

I have chosen you
and at this very moment
realized
to me, you can never be true.

So I set out for this jorney
in which there is no you.

Will things be alright
when the storm comes?
will there be any fire
to keep me from going numb.

I have set out for this jorney
the jorney which you
refused to come.

Oh it's getting dark
clouds gathering
the stars and their sparks
quietly hiding.
The cold wind, fiercely blowing

I have set out for this jorney
the jorney which seems to be
endlessly going.

Are they calling me?
Are they my friends?
Will they keep me company?
until this jorney ends?

I have set out for this jorney
My broken jorney which you
only can mend.

A Vain Attempt of Chaos and Order

I am too crazy to be with a person like you.
You are order
I am chaos
my nature
is to be uncontrolled and lost.

I tried your rules,
laws and regularity
thought I'd get along
but your people
labeled me, 'crazy'

Now I understand
Not I belong
to your realm
called 'ordinary'
breaking your rules
by showing them 'me'

you have your people
to impress
wasting your time with me
those people may love you less
no. don't try. you are not capable of making
such a mess.

I am always alone
and alright.
don't worry about me
go on
enjoy your people and
your night.

not meant to be rude?
oh I understand.
It's okay. don't apologize.

I know
a person like you
always has to do what is right
now if you'll excuse me,
i have to go put out my candle light.

Valediction to My Vuurwerk

My most exquisite fireworks, Farewell
Not sure if you or the gods undid the spell
Or if my heart simply got scared?
I could not really tell.

You entered my dark blue sky
so beautifully, with the lights,
and rays of Richard Cory.
Two days have gone by
This moment is ending already.

The Sun is lightening up my Dusky Sky
You are fading away and my Stars
saying goodbye.
You are still there and so am I .

See not each other
tho dwell under this same blue sky
I understand but still wonder
why.

The Bird and The Surfer

I don't know how to start
So many feelings are surfing my heart
We never are together
Why is it so lonely when we are apart?

You came knocking at my door.
I answered and said 'Yes
I'd like to know you more.'
From then I know,
We'd never be what we had been before.

You took me out to The Sea.
I could feel The Waves
crashing inside my body.
Your blue eyes having
a conversation with me.

I never wanted to go out there
Tho with you, I do not feel so scared
To you, my dark blue sky,
I'd like to share.

The inner me, you see
Right this moment, beside me
you still firmly be.

This is how The Bird
Bravely flew deep down
The Sea.

And You Wonder Why She Isn't With You

Seeing you blue
my night becomes starless
What is it all about?..ask, I want to
though scared I'd make a mess
of us like I used to do.

You are living your own life
and I , mine
But you in your blue days I can't
just walk right by
like you always do when I
in mine.

I only know you now
through the screen
and your words
are like clouds
to which I cannot reach.

Reading the words
for the other girl you meant
brings me back to that night we
spent
in September.
I want your blue days to ago away
O..I wish I had that power.
I really wish I could be more
sober.

Your presence always has that effect upon me..
Cette nuit est more than enough,
Merci mon cheri.

A Washed Off Memory

Have i just made another
mistake?
What did you just make me feel?
cold hot or what?
warm I know
it is not.

Our faint mind painting I hold dear
used to calm my soul and bring you near.
tonight

You

and your
cold existence

Just

made that
disappear.

Washed

Me

Off

Your

and my only

Memory.

it was one beautiful pack
of seconds I had with you
yet you never realized
it ever existed
so you seemed okay to leave
me here

Devastated..

The World Shut Its Eyes

Cold rice on my plate
waiting until its too late
never touched or looked
you walked by
and the world shut its eyes.

Warm rice on my plate
waiting to be chosen
never noticed only forgotten
you walked by
and the world shut its eyes.

Hot rice on my plate
waiting for others instead
looked once smelled and smiled
you walked by
and the world shut its mind.

February 27th

You Turned my February
upsideDown
washing my pink feathers off
painting Black
Rubbing off my smiles
with that same charming voice
What made me think for real
you'd ever come Back?

A lesson never learned.
My Things with Feathers
always fly away and never
Return.
The last one flew of with you
with its wings
burned.

Happy Blue Love Song

Walking Down the stairs,
Talking, whining, smiling
Brightly in my Blue Flynow dress
O the violet flowers are blooming.

What a lovely day it is,
Regardless of an exam
that'll probably be a mess.
Why should I care in a time like this?

A guy in the black shirt walks by
I say hi and smile at his bright Blue eyes
Smile back he does, and says Good Morning.
O what a lovely day I am having.

Last Night..
It all started when I was on my bed sleeping
When I heard the song 'All My Loving'
Rightaway...
I knew it was you calling.

Went back to bed and started dreaming
Of another guy
Woke up this morning smiling
I didn't bother to ask why.

This Happy Blue Love Song is Mine.

Torn into Two

That voice
through the phone
again
bring long lost friends
pleasure and pain

convinced
nothing remains.

you-made mystery
"Do you want a credit card, miss?"
"Remember me? your old highschool friend"
and those kinds of stories

deceived
nothing remains.

yes. yes.
there
it's always been.

yes. yes.
now
caught in between

you and you
and me torn into two

Old and New
both ways my heart
flew.

what about the now?
where to?

Old you makes me forget New
but you never can stay.

New, I'm reminded of you
everytime I listen
to coldplay.

I need both you and you
I dare say.

Desperately selfish it sounds
I know
That explains my attempt
to walk away after every show.

Though most of the time I fail
and both you and you
better than anyone in this world
know.

Trust me
am trying
to let
go.

Save Me.

Am I crazy?
Have I gone insane?
No?
why then?
why i can't stop these
thoughts and tears
why i think those eyes are spear
that pierce through me.

God, to you i cry
take me out
Out of insanity
God, to you i cry
bring me back
Back into sanity.

In me: what is going on?
no longer i know who is me.
that body and mind are being torn
into strings that strap reality.
Dear God to you i cry,
Save me.

The Death of Confidence

Wrong.
what I think is right.
Sucks.
what I believe is okay.
No one
ever wants to listen
To what I have to say.

The mind wanders
out and away..
it has never been
okay.
Words
eating up my trust
day after day.

If there's a counselor
I'm ready to pay
for one to really
listen
to what i have to
say to
tell me things will
be just okay.

the sound of those truths I hear
together pieces letters spelled 'fear'
what i have heard couldn't have been more clear.

Badly I always write
according to the teacher
this is not right.
Can I do better?
Do I want to do better?
I might not.
I might.

I just want a break now if that's alright.

A Doormat Friend

I'm sorry, friend,
anymore, i can not
do this.
I can not save us, if you
do not give a shit.

you want to look cool,
hot and all.
writing nothing,
saying nothing
too personal.

scared once again,
to you I will fall?

I know we are friends.
buddy, I still do.
you know between us,
there never are
stupid rules.

do not make me,
do not like you.

you have changed
back hands to feet,
I do not know
what I would do
next time we meet.

words are just words
you said.
actions should we
instead
contemplate.

actions i saw none
around here,
a few words
from you
I saw but did not hear.

What should i contemplate now
my dear?

I am too tired of
being a doormat friend
there is this thing
once break
neither of us can mend.

I am not what you think I am
I know you never give a damn

I am tired of being your doormat friend
Is our whole friendship relationship
just another stupid scam
that is soon to end?

I Let Words On The Screen Speak For Me

I let words on the screen speak for me
words inside my head
am I thinking straight?
words words words
through my lips
did i lose the ability?

to cope with this?
crawling back into my mind
words inside my head
i try to find
words words words
on the screen
did i lose the ability

to control me?
reentering myself, fear
in coming, nearer, near
did i lose the ability

to finish this
poetry I am trying to write?

Leaving My Feeling

Sometimes,
there is something about you that scares me
the seriousness and all those things
you say so intensely.

Sometimes,
there is something about you that fascinates me
the kindheartedness and all those things
you do so wonderfully.

Sometimes,
you push me away

Sometimes,
you pull me near

Sometimes,
there is something about you that scares me
Do you hear
me? the way you make me feel and all those things
Do you hear
me? the way I feel about you and all those things.

This time,
Do you hear
me? I am
leaving.

Tears

Leave me, Tears
I don’t want you now.
Go. Be gone
I do not want you around.

Alone now I need to be
What is in me that brings
You here?
Is it insanity that keeps calling
And treading upon my feelings
I fear?
I want you gone now, Tears.

Or is it despair
That keeps saying
‘ you belong nowhere’
and makes me forever
at Sally’s screen
stare.
Get out, tears.
You are stealing my air.

Now, I cannot speak, sing or cry
Because people will ask for the reason why..
The reason is something I need to hide.

Come back later late at night
And to me you can do whatever you like.
I shall not stop you, Tears.
Anytime but now
Is alright.

A Poem for a Friend in the Quotation Mark

Now yesterday we were together
You talking, I resting
“where’s my writer?’
got up smiling
grabbed a marker
“back to work is now
your writer.”

Do you miss
Our three evenings and nights?
I am not with you this time
and it doesn't feel right.

I do miss
The night sky, those green signs,
The traffic lights and
Most Definitely,
Me in the car You drive.

I miss eating with you
I miss the moments
We belong to.
More than any of these
I miss you being you.

I keep forgetting
yesterday
Over
were
our
three evenings.

I keep forgetting
There is nowhere
No more
Together
We are going.

I keep forgetting
This Sunday
You are leaving.

O I remember
The time we were arguing..
About silly stuff again and over
It always ended with us smiling

Now I remember
Soon, this is going to be over…

Yet I feel
Something I lack.
Yet I feel
I don’t want you to go back
I want you to stay
At least this one more day

Tonight I see those lights
Here in the city
But they do not mean anything
Like those we saw three days
in the country.

You slowed down and
let me take photos of those lights
Green, red, yellow, beautiful
and blurry
On each hot cool ride,
We talked about many things
Your music, my music
Joyfully along we were singing.
Some Thai parts you did not
Understand
To you I kept translating
And we ended up laughing.

Enough, enough
Of all this.
Reminiscing does not always bring
The bliss.
It blocks us from seeing
What reality really is.

Reality is that you and I
Are 'friends'
But there’s always this thing
I never can comprehend.

I guess I think too much.
I guess I should stop
Writing
Then.

Fury

January 06 09 8:33am

I do not like you, Daylight
Now especially,
Jet black sky and sparkles
always make
me feel right and happy.

Your arrogant brightness
burned down my dream.
Under your hot destructive touch
nothing is beautiful and bright
as it seems.

Turn away from me, Sun.
This is not the way my day should've begun.

Of all time and time,
you selected my moment,
my only moment
Gone.
Crushed.
Not by me spent.

Your ray pierced thru
my eyes aiming for my soul.
Lit fire on it.
Nothing I have left to hold.

Go away, could you?
at least out of my sight.
Closing my eyes
still defeated
by your powerful red light.

Away, away
from you I could not run.
A shattered dream.
piece by piece
I'm counting
one by one.

My kNight
Wherefore you are not here?
Forty-three thousand
and two hundred seconds I wait
for you to calm my fear.

I hate you Light of Day
You left me nothing to say.

O invincible prison.

Turn away from me, Sun.
No.
Not this way
my day should have
Begun.

Santika

It's one minute passed midnight
The time when
everything
and
nothing
was alright

one cheering
another screaming
one drinking
another choking
Is this the reason why
the moon wasn't smiling?

No. no one i know was there.
but i can't act like i do not care.
many lost their loved ones.
Too soon. Too sudden.
Can this be undone?

Ears try to ignore
but eyes try to explore.
Blood, Smoke, Eyes streaming with tears.
party people locked up by fear.

they were there to have fun.
celebrating the new year which
had just begun. one second changed
it all.
Can this be undone?

Is this how the new year starts?
how can it be
when many'd lost their hearts?
The party house turned ruins.
all the singings turned cryings.

Is this how the new year starts?
how can it be
when many'd
LOST
their
Hearts?