Why I Write

No words could utter the feeling i feel,
I'm happier in my dreams
It feels right. It feels real.
Reality dims my days.
I work mechanically,
I cry my nights away.

The presence of you lies in my memory,
outshone by this merciless reality.
Alone here, I am frozen
Waiting to be melted by
Your warm embrace,
Wanting this pain forgotten.

I write because that's all I can do,
When waiting hurts too much,
When I need nothing,
But you.

Apart

What is worse than two loves
being apart ?
Some say a lonely heart.
I'm not quite sure if that is true,
Because the pain tortures me
More cruelly than before I met you.

Good memories are now cut in half
The look from your eyes,
Your sweet smile, your laugh.
They make me cry, beg and pray
That time will run and stop
Taking you away.

My presence fades
My heart,weary
Tears streaming
Down the screen, kissing
My Baby.

"I miss you too," your voice comes
Through the speaker.
"and I wish also this wait will be
Soon over" I know I can
And I'll be stronger.
Because you're worth the wait
And for you nothing will ever be
Too late.

Falling Autumn

Autumn.
Ash gray sky
Birds crying.
Trees lost love
to live, trying.

I am an autumn tree
losing parts of me
fading them, bleaching them
trying to stay healthy.

Some think its stunning
i change my own color
or let go of my selves
building romantic scenes
for new lovers.

So little did they know
the true story of Fall
they never care enough to listen
oh no,
not at all.

Like a Basketball

A poem my student, Asia, wrote with me today :*)

She has these random words, adjectives, adverbs and literary devices and so on that we have to use in this poem :) lol. Let's see how well we did :) after all, we had fun :) Bounce!

Life is basketball.

Love is like the game.

You desperately fight.

You torturously fall.

No one is to blame.

A mammoth blocks your way,

humongous, ferocious.

In the game, you must stay

You're losing. It's obvious,

But you just keep going.

You sprint, slip and slide,

Knowing you might die,

Fear, inside, you hide.

You just have to try,

hold your head up high.

Bang! the ball hits the floor.

Your bold heart starts thumping.

You're not scared anymore.

It really is your choice,

to bounce back, or to fall.

(Like a Basketball...)

you walked away from me again..I dont know how we got to where we are now, so apart. i saw it wrong i guess. you want me to do something i just cant. yea.. I didnt tell you, how would you know. what a thing to do when i feel so far from you than ever..ride a bike. what does that show?

you want to be free..alone.. on the road..away.. while I'm still here..right where i was when we argued. True, i said i wanted to go..but i couldnt. You should have known better. 'Course you didn't.

Is this how its gonna end? cracks.. which grow bigger and bigger..now you on the other end, rode away. Me, looking at this space between us. right in front of me..

i need you so much now and you dont even know.. or care enough. Its too much for you.. yes.. for me too. "I'll never leave you baby." hurts, just thinking about it. you know why? because more than twice, you just did.

Same Old Story: Fragments of thoughts.

There is a reason for everything right?
I believe so. Today I looked at myself in the mirror when I washed my hands. I stopped and looked at my face for a little longer. Not to see if I look good or anything, simply to see how my feelings inside were painted on my face.

This pair of eyes that people used to think as sad had never really appeared so to me as it did today. It begs people to understand..to stop and take a good look at why it is so. Honestly no one has ever really done that until I met you. I fully realized it today, a few minutes just before I started writing this. You really love me and these eyes. Sometimes you don't understand them, other times you can't see them. Despite all that, you love them and you love me. I am more than glad i have you. and yes, i love you too.

My eyes aren't as bold as its color. They are actually weak and fragile. Words are most treacherous of all. They pierce like a knife. I almost forgot how it feels when words stab. The pain penetrated. Tears ran down. same old story.

I need you with me now. not possible, I know.
you are far away. I wish that sentence I wrote was not true. Sadly, it is.

There's nothing good about being twenty-five or older. Growing old is not pleasant. Same old story. yes, again. It sucks when you feel like you stop growing but Time keeps adding up your age. to me, One good thing about growing old is that people give less shit about what you do. Not always tho. yes, its annoying.

There must be a reason why when you 'grow up' we should go build your own life, go away from your family and start living on your own. Yes, the older you become, the harder you find to be around people who used to teach you, raise you or whatever. If you feel that, it's time to move out and start your own story. Write your own page, no theme or plot set for you. Write whatever you want down the page. After all it's your own book. your own life. your own days in this world.
go live.

No Today

Now everyone is gone. Even he.

yes. I drove them away,

not even him could stay.

I gotta say I'm sorry.

So fast they went.

didn't bother me much

oh yes, I pretend.

Actually really it does.

I wish he'd tried harder

guess am not worth it.

I wish i'd been stronger,

and hadnt been so stupid.

he turned back but I did it again

chasing him away

if he leaves this time,

see him, i dont know when.

guess i deserve this

being alone and isolated

noone has to suffer the bitterness

and something of the like, I created.

my hands are tired

from shoveling the lovely stones away.

sitting here, eyes empty,

the mind has gone astray.

I wish there were no Today.

Ice

Ice in this water bottle
fought its way unconquerably
against water pervading its
existance,
knowing in time she'll lose
but gave up not.

Then came heat
in the room, empowering
the water,
the chance of the ice is breaking
one last second,
she was holding her self together.

When I arrived, she's gone.
I guess I am ice.
I melt.

The Statue

For what am I expecting
from a shut broken mind?
wondering where are heading
a flow of words and rhymes.

A statue of desolation
damaged and chiseled,
still not easily broken
when the mind is disabled.

Lock it up where no one finds
that's all one can do.
Break it into pieces
you are trying to.

Paint it bright
Hope will be its name.
you do it with all your might,
but as before the statue is the same.

The mind is heavy
with the weight of Desolation
still shut and uneasy
I guess in this no one won.

All have tried
All have failed..
To break the statue
able, there is none.

Liz

It is 5:45PM. Friday. August.

There it was on the table, a big blue cup of Chocolate Caramel.
Liz was sitting at Whittard, a quite place in a busy shopping mall, reading Of Mice and Men, a book she had to teach on Sunday morning. Her eyes were not following the words on the book, neither was her mind. She put down the book and grabbed her pink-cased iPhone. Flicking open, she checked the time; 6:02PM. Liz loves wearing nice watches but she doesn’t really check the time from her watch. She said she wore watches only for fashion. Her right forefinger slid thru the contact list and stopped at a letter J. To Liz, the letter J has a personal and significant meaning. She believes that her life is bound with people whose names start with the letter J, well guys to be exact. Looking upward to rest her eyes from reading, she closed them for a few seconds and put her phone in her handbag. Liz sighed and looked up to see an empty armchair in front of her, thinking of that pretty, European face of that guy, her latest J, and the big couch she shared with him when they saw Ice Age 3 together 3 weeks ago, just before he went to Australia.

Things have been different since then. He has. She has. Everything has. Liz thinks she understands what has happened but it doesn’t appear so. She used to say that most of the time, the fact that she knows and understands things does not really make her feel good at all. I think so too. She looked down to her lap and sighed. thoughts running.

Putting hand in her bag, Liz took out her phone, flicked it open, tapped the message button and started typing very quickly as if she might change her mind if she did otherwise, "Hey, wanna go see GI Joe tomorrow afternoon?" Sent. She pushed the sleep button and lay her phone on her lap. Grabbing the book she left on the table, she tried to go back to her reading. Her eyes glanced down at the phone again. silent. no signs of any new messages. She forced her eyes back to the book again and read aloud to help herself concentrate on the story. A few minutes later, there was a sound from her phone. Liz’s heart started to beat faster as she took her phone from her lap. For some reason, she hoped he would say no. Before she read the whole message, her eyes spotted the word ‘Sorry.’ She averted her eyes for a moment, bit her lower lip softly. Slowly, her eyes traced the words in the message from the beginning again, "Tomorrow afternoon cant....Got to so shopping and meeting friend.. Sorry, X"

She stared at it for a moment, thinking of what to reply. She did not want him to sense that she was upset nor that she was fine about it. After a few seconds, she typed ‘Ts okay’ hesitating of putting X in, she thought for a moment and decided to put a dot instead. Once she tapped the send button, she put her phone back into her handbag. Liz quickly grabbed the book and started to read again. Tears were welling up at the corner of her eyes. Thoughts flooded her mind and her body, tense. She forced herself to read but those words from the message kept coming back to her mind forcing her to read the same word on the page more than twice. Liz suddenly closed the book and looked sideways. She felt ashamed that she had texted the guy, thinking it blemished her beloved ‘self’. "No one is good enough to make me feel this way, none" she mumbled to herself trying to hold the water at the corner of eyes not to fall. Yet this was not the first time, the exact same thing happened.

Liz always has this paradoxical personality. She can appear very strong and self-assured but sometimes she is just too hard on herself, letting herself be an object of a silly love game. Self-beating is the word I often use to describe her. Liz always aims for ‘the impossible’ when it comes to guys. She always does and it seems as though she is willing to be the ‘victim’.

This guy she has been out with lately is too much of a player. Liz knows that too but she insisted that she saw the good in him and that they had always a good time together. I think he is a bit arrogant and is too much within himself, but strangely enough those are the qualities that attract Liz. His look too, I suppose. Tall and athletic, charming eyes with the deep blue color, the look that Liz finds irresistible. His way of talking, at times pretentious but unarguably charming, is also what Liz loves so dearly. The guy also knows what to do or say to get Liz. he did capsize her world. Now Liz, like Pip in the first chapter of Great Expectations, is seeing everything up side down. She says she knows and understands everything but somehow, I doubt it.

There is one thing I agree with what Liz says about herself. It is about her two favorite poets. She always says that she likes the poets for different reasons; Edna Millay, for Millay is the kind of woman she wants to be and Anne Sexton for Sexton is the kind of woman that she can always relate herself to. She is right. Liz is more of a Sexton than a Millay. I hope she grows to be a Millay though. Despite Sexton’s artistic talent and charm, I hope she grows to be a Millay though. I don't want her to end up like Sexton. Too tragic.

Liz put down her book and drank the coffee in her cup. She quickly finished it and took out her Macbook. She felt she needed to write something. She started typing..

4:45PM. Friday. August.

There it was on the table, a big blue cup of Chocolate Caramel....

Meeting My Oktober

Thirteen nights of crying,
came a big hollow in my chest

Something warm is missing

without you i can't shine my best.

The nights became unfriendly,

none is kind to my needy heart.

It's been two weeks already

since we had to part.

My first winter is full of colors

of you, me, castles and hot chocolate

with glittering snow, i need no flowers

to brighten up my soul or scent it.

Everything is white and frozen

with you, I need no spring time

in this frosty winter,

my affection for you deepens.

walking in Marien Platz,

with the bells, our love chimes.

What I have with me now is memory

of you and everything.

every night and day it plays vividly

nothing more is worth remembering.

I love you and I know I can wait

lovers are meant to be together

I know Love never comes too late,

April, May, June and July will be soon over

and in August, I will once again meet

my Oktober

Time Is Up

The body expires.

Emotions trampled.

the Mind cracks,

then shuts again,

no,

This,

you dont have to handle.

for if you understand, you do.

if you didn't

then you didnt really

have to.