My Kind of Poetry :*)

Why I Write

2010-12-06T08:19:00.000-08:00

No words could utter the feeling i feel,
I'm happier in my dreams
It feels right. It feels real.
Reality dims my days.
I work mechanically,
I cry my nights away.

The presence of you lies in my memory,
outshone by this merciless reality.
Alone here, I am frozen
Waiting to be melted by
Your warm embrace,
Wanting this pain forgotten.

I write because that's all I can do,
When waiting hurts too much,
When I need nothing,
But you.

Apart

2010-12-06T08:16:00.000-08:00

What is worse than two loves
being apart ?
Some say a lonely heart.
I'm not quite sure if that is true,
Because the pain tortures me
More cruelly than before I met you.

Good memories are now cut in half
The look from your eyes,
Your sweet smile, your laugh.
They make me cry, beg and pray
That time will run and stop
Taking you away.

My presence fades
My heart,weary
Tears streaming
Down the screen, kissing
My Baby.

"I miss you too," your voice comes
Through the speaker.
"and I wish also this wait will be
Soon over" I know I can
And I'll be stronger.
Because you're worth the wait
And for you nothing will ever be
Too late.

Falling Autumn

2010-10-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

Autumn.
Ash gray sky
Birds crying.
Trees lost love
to live, trying.

I am an autumn tree
losing parts of me
fading them, bleaching them
trying to stay healthy.

Some think its stunning
i change my own color
or let go of my selves
building romantic scenes
for new lovers.

So little did they know
the true story of Fall
they never care enough to listen
oh no,
not at all.

Like a Basketball

2010-09-24T20:20:00.000-07:00

A poem my student, Asia, wrote with me today :*)

She has these random words, adjectives, adverbs and literary devices and so on that we have to use in this poem :) lol. Let's see how well we did :) after all, we had fun :) Bounce!

Life is basketball.

Love is like the game.

You desperately fight.

You torturously fall.

No one is to blame.

A mammoth blocks your way,

humongous, ferocious.

In the game, you must stay

You're losing. It's obvious,

But you just keep going.

You sprint, slip and slide,

Knowing you might die,

Fear, inside, you hide.

You just have to try,

hold your head up high.

Bang! the ball hits the floor.

Your bold heart starts thumping.

You're not scared anymore.

It really is your choice,

to bounce back, or to fall.

(Like a Basketball...)

2010-09-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

you walked away from me again..I dont know how we got to where we are now, so apart. i saw it wrong i guess. you want me to do something i just cant. yea.. I didnt tell you, how would you know. what a thing to do when i feel so far from you than ever..ride a bike. what does that show?

you want to be free..alone.. on the road..away.. while I'm still here..right where i was when we argued. True, i said i wanted to go..but i couldnt. You should have known better. 'Course you didn't.

Is this how its gonna end? cracks.. which grow bigger and bigger..now you on the other end, rode away. Me, looking at this space between us. right in front of me..

i need you so much now and you dont even know.. or care enough. Its too much for you.. yes.. for me too. "I'll never leave you baby." hurts, just thinking about it. you know why? because more than twice, you just did.

Same Old Story: Fragments of thoughts.

2010-09-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

There is a reason for everything right?
I believe so. Today I looked at myself in the mirror when I washed my hands. I stopped and looked at my face for a little longer. Not to see if I look good or anything, simply to see how my feelings inside were painted on my face.

This pair of eyes that people used to think as sad had never really appeared so to me as it did today. It begs people to understand..to stop and take a good look at why it is so. Honestly no one has ever really done that until I met you. I fully realized it today, a few minutes just before I started writing this. You really love me and these eyes. Sometimes you don't understand them, other times you can't see them. Despite all that, you love them and you love me. I am more than glad i have you. and yes, i love you too.

My eyes aren't as bold as its color. They are actually weak and fragile. Words are most treacherous of all. They pierce like a knife. I almost forgot how it feels when words stab. The pain penetrated. Tears ran down. same old story.

I need you with me now. not possible, I know.
you are far away. I wish that sentence I wrote was not true. Sadly, it is.

There's nothing good about being twenty-five or older. Growing old is not pleasant. Same old story. yes, again. It sucks when you feel like you stop growing but Time keeps adding up your age. to me, One good thing about growing old is that people give less shit about what you do. Not always tho. yes, its annoying.

There must be a reason why when you 'grow up' we should go build your own life, go away from your family and start living on your own. Yes, the older you become, the harder you find to be around people who used to teach you, raise you or whatever. If you feel that, it's time to move out and start your own story. Write your own page, no theme or plot set for you. Write whatever you want down the page. After all it's your own book. your own life. your own days in this world.
go live.

No Today

2010-06-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

Now everyone is gone. Even he.

yes. I drove them away,

not even him could stay.

I gotta say I'm sorry.

So fast they went.

didn't bother me much

oh yes, I pretend.

Actually really it does.

I wish he'd tried harder

guess am not worth it.

I wish i'd been stronger,

and hadnt been so stupid.

he turned back but I did it again

chasing him away

if he leaves this time,

see him, i dont know when.

guess i deserve this

being alone and isolated

noone has to suffer the bitterness

and something of the like, I created.

my hands are tired

from shoveling the lovely stones away.

sitting here, eyes empty,

the mind has gone astray.

I wish there were no Today.

Ice

2010-05-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

Ice in this water bottle
fought its way unconquerably
against water pervading its
existance,
knowing in time she'll lose
but gave up not.

Then came heat
in the room, empowering
the water,
the chance of the ice is breaking
one last second,
she was holding her self together.

When I arrived, she's gone.
I guess I am ice.
I melt.

The Statue

2010-05-13T12:02:00.000-07:00

For what am I expecting
from a shut broken mind?
wondering where are heading
a flow of words and rhymes.

A statue of desolation
damaged and chiseled,
still not easily broken
when the mind is disabled.

Lock it up where no one finds
that's all one can do.
Break it into pieces
you are trying to.

Paint it bright
Hope will be its name.
you do it with all your might,
but as before the statue is the same.

The mind is heavy
with the weight of Desolation
still shut and uneasy
I guess in this no one won.

All have tried
All have failed..
To break the statue
able, there is none.

Liz

2010-04-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

It is 5:45PM. Friday. August.

There it was on the table, a big blue cup of Chocolate Caramel.
Liz was sitting at Whittard, a quite place in a busy shopping mall, reading Of Mice and Men, a book she had to teach on Sunday morning. Her eyes were not following the words on the book, neither was her mind. She put down the book and grabbed her pink-cased iPhone. Flicking open, she checked the time; 6:02PM. Liz loves wearing nice watches but she doesn’t really check the time from her watch. She said she wore watches only for fashion. Her right forefinger slid thru the contact list and stopped at a letter J. To Liz, the letter J has a personal and significant meaning. She believes that her life is bound with people whose names start with the letter J, well guys to be exact. Looking upward to rest her eyes from reading, she closed them for a few seconds and put her phone in her handbag. Liz sighed and looked up to see an empty armchair in front of her, thinking of that pretty, European face of that guy, her latest J, and the big couch she shared with him when they saw Ice Age 3 together 3 weeks ago, just before he went to Australia.

Things have been different since then. He has. She has. Everything has. Liz thinks she understands what has happened but it doesn’t appear so. She used to say that most of the time, the fact that she knows and understands things does not really make her feel good at all. I think so too. She looked down to her lap and sighed. thoughts running.

Putting hand in her bag, Liz took out her phone, flicked it open, tapped the message button and started typing very quickly as if she might change her mind if she did otherwise, "Hey, wanna go see GI Joe tomorrow afternoon?" Sent. She pushed the sleep button and lay her phone on her lap. Grabbing the book she left on the table, she tried to go back to her reading. Her eyes glanced down at the phone again. silent. no signs of any new messages. She forced her eyes back to the book again and read aloud to help herself concentrate on the story. A few minutes later, there was a sound from her phone. Liz’s heart started to beat faster as she took her phone from her lap. For some reason, she hoped he would say no. Before she read the whole message, her eyes spotted the word ‘Sorry.’ She averted her eyes for a moment, bit her lower lip softly. Slowly, her eyes traced the words in the message from the beginning again, "Tomorrow afternoon cant....Got to so shopping and meeting friend.. Sorry, X"

She stared at it for a moment, thinking of what to reply. She did not want him to sense that she was upset nor that she was fine about it. After a few seconds, she typed ‘Ts okay’ hesitating of putting X in, she thought for a moment and decided to put a dot instead. Once she tapped the send button, she put her phone back into her handbag. Liz quickly grabbed the book and started to read again. Tears were welling up at the corner of her eyes. Thoughts flooded her mind and her body, tense. She forced herself to read but those words from the message kept coming back to her mind forcing her to read the same word on the page more than twice. Liz suddenly closed the book and looked sideways. She felt ashamed that she had texted the guy, thinking it blemished her beloved ‘self’. "No one is good enough to make me feel this way, none" she mumbled to herself trying to hold the water at the corner of eyes not to fall. Yet this was not the first time, the exact same thing happened.

Liz always has this paradoxical personality. She can appear very strong and self-assured but sometimes she is just too hard on herself, letting herself be an object of a silly love game. Self-beating is the word I often use to describe her. Liz always aims for ‘the impossible’ when it comes to guys. She always does and it seems as though she is willing to be the ‘victim’.

This guy she has been out with lately is too much of a player. Liz knows that too but she insisted that she saw the good in him and that they had always a good time together. I think he is a bit arrogant and is too much within himself, but strangely enough those are the qualities that attract Liz. His look too, I suppose. Tall and athletic, charming eyes with the deep blue color, the look that Liz finds irresistible. His way of talking, at times pretentious but unarguably charming, is also what Liz loves so dearly. The guy also knows what to do or say to get Liz. he did capsize her world. Now Liz, like Pip in the first chapter of Great Expectations, is seeing everything up side down. She says she knows and understands everything but somehow, I doubt it.

There is one thing I agree with what Liz says about herself. It is about her two favorite poets. She always says that she likes the poets for different reasons; Edna Millay, for Millay is the kind of woman she wants to be and Anne Sexton for Sexton is the kind of woman that she can always relate herself to. She is right. Liz is more of a Sexton than a Millay. I hope she grows to be a Millay though. Despite Sexton’s artistic talent and charm, I hope she grows to be a Millay though. I don't want her to end up like Sexton. Too tragic.

Liz put down her book and drank the coffee in her cup. She quickly finished it and took out her Macbook. She felt she needed to write something. She started typing..

4:45PM. Friday. August.

There it was on the table, a big blue cup of Chocolate Caramel....

Meeting My Oktober

2010-03-26T15:51:00.000-07:00

Thirteen nights of crying,
came a big hollow in my chest

Something warm is missing

without you i can't shine my best.

The nights became unfriendly,

none is kind to my needy heart.

It's been two weeks already

since we had to part.

My first winter is full of colors

of you, me, castles and hot chocolate

with glittering snow, i need no flowers

to brighten up my soul or scent it.

Everything is white and frozen

with you, I need no spring time

in this frosty winter,

my affection for you deepens.

walking in Marien Platz,

with the bells, our love chimes.

What I have with me now is memory

of you and everything.

every night and day it plays vividly

nothing more is worth remembering.

I love you and I know I can wait

lovers are meant to be together

I know Love never comes too late,

April, May, June and July will be soon over

and in August, I will once again meet

my Oktober

My Oktober

2009-10-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at 10:57pm

"No Use For A Name"
leads me to you
am fast and silly
you reserved and careful
you are so European
and that is kinda cool.

you think me funny
I think you sweet
we never talked or met
only did we Tweet.

I want to write,
to remember, to sing
to never forget
a song, a poem
and its meaning.

for this won't
stay as Time is
still walking.

Back in September,
We were strangers.
Now that story is sweetly over.
Tonight I named you
My Oktober.

On the August Bed Writing

2009-09-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

Monday, August 24, 2009 at 9:46pm

August, is sickness your partner?
You strapped me on this indifferent bed
And killed the best part of everyone.
And now that your end is closer
I still got no one

Lying beside me.

August, is death your partner?
Will he get me before Mom comes back?
Auntie is checking on me
Making sure I am safe sound and sober.
When will I be free
From your indifferent power?

My tears are boiling
And my breath, burning.
The tiger is banging again and again
And again. When will it stop
Running in my little head?
Will it keep doing
What its doing
Until I'm dead?

Remember, I Tell My Own Story

2009-09-30T09:16:00.000-07:00

Thursday, August 20, 2009 at 10:43pm

This battle I never meant to fight
You hunted me down
and I became your worthless prize.
Wait, wait, that only is
the story from your side.

You thought you worked me up
and me won over.
Sorry, Charming, every story has
more than one side.
I lay myself in your arms
but my heart, never.
You may think I lie
and that is your business.
Two minutes ago I wanted to cry
But perhaps that was also me acted.
You can never read what I think,
never could, never will.
This is the story from my side
and it is Me who tells.

You thought I was common
you were wrong.
You wanted me that way
and for a bit I did play along.
But what you never get is to
see Me think or hear me sing.
Remember, Charming,
look is the only thing you've got,
and soon enough this will all rot.
You are certain I'll be there for you.
Well FYI, I'm so not.

Ps. 'Cause the only thing I fancy much about you,
is that short-lived look
you got.

An Angry Thing

2009-07-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

it has come again, it has

an angry thing...

spiteful, self beating.

shut.

my limbs

heavy, my mind,

wild.

piercing words

arrowing, spelling

an unfeeling

cry.

you tasted my dream

weaving it to reality

while i sit here reading

Scrutiny,

deadened.

Strawberry Smoothies

2009-07-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

I am drinking Strawberry Smoothies
This time all by myself
A Solo trip to Memory
Yes. Me and no one else.

Something tickling my left cheek
Your strong but tender thumb
My body didn't go weak
Nor did it go numb.

Yet I think it was adorable.

I drink some more Strawberry Smoothies
and so did you that day.
You always order strawberries and kiwi
'It's healthy' I think you'd say.
Cliches..Yes!

I still think it was adorable.

I drink the last bit of My Strawberry Smoothies,
thinking of you and Australia
feeling far from empty.
I can't wait for you to be here.

So I can savor My Strawberry,
and You, Your Kiwi.

Isn't this adorable?

I Am Not A Lady Of Images

2009-07-03T09:02:00.001-07:00

I am not a lady of images
nor am i a poetess.
tho like them, myself is meant to write
But not in the same way those great ladies might

For i am a woman of my time
long not echo the tunes they used to chime.
My words are i. myself. me.
not shaded. not clouded. neither not
exactly what you see.

I am a lady of colored exclamation.
Myself am of great profusion.
I am out here so the world could see
Fear i not being called a loony
I shall never change the way I write
For you may not like it, but others might!

I Should Stay Away From Me

2009-06-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

it's all a lie. it's all your game
think its not on you who I to blame
I dont know what to say or feel
what he said was so true and too real
I am now scared of myself
scared to talk or share this to anybody else.
it is now 3 minutes past my birthday
what i am doing is crying it away
I got lots friends and yet none
needed them. they never there
there's nothing they could have done.
I am just too much of me
thinking thinking thinking
i need it stop already!
Feelings are too easily crushed
what can it do, this thing called trust?
Can I believe all things told by you
and at the same time everything he says too?
Was i born yesterday?
falling into pool of words everybody says.
I need to break this cycle
crying every night should not be possible.
I still want the bright soul to stay in
wish i knew how to begin.
I am too closed to sadness and this
relationship should soon
end.

A Tiger Longing to be Tamed.

2009-06-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

There is a something inside my head.
It banged and rocked my inner state.
Untamed, savage spirited bound
always too wild always too loud.
A furious tiger locked up in my head.
each day is fed nothing but rage.
The poor sad animal itself, hate.
can't feel a soul in its body,
prancing in this box so tiny.
anything it is, but steady.
It does not long to be free
but controlled.
It wants the heart to feel the soul
to be tamed...
to be loved, to be the whole.
The hunter who does not fear
what he beholds.
Sad. Never met such a hunter
Only those who love hunting
who leave once the game's over.
Nobody dares to tame me.
I'm too wild. too chaotic. too crazy.
The tiger should forever be locked
inside me.

An Argument

2009-06-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Heart,

we should quit him tonight.

leave it all behind

when stars are brightest bright.

This is not where we should be

lets go, come come, Heart, I plea.

He had you..

don't let he have me.

I love him as much as you do

but I can't let him do what he's about to.

I can't risk his charm and all

with this bottomless pit we both may fall.

If you choose to stay, I can't really go.

i'll stick with you

tho what to do, I not know.

We'll figure everything out..

i guess...tomorrow..

Oh Dear You Missed Me

2009-06-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

Oh dear you missed me today

Yes yes you did miss my

sparkling eyes.

I am beautiful for you tonight

inside and out

we could have been on cloud nine.

You and your world are way too close

by work you are abide.

Would you know this moment I miss you most

and for the first time I want you all mine.

Oh dear you really missed me this night

This night when my eyes are more than bright

Everything doesn't really mean anything

for you can't be found on my side.

And you came on Saturday

2009-06-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

And you came on this night of Saturday

making my June way better than my May

I was super happy I didn't know what to say.

Finally I know you

are my Nate Archibald

grey shirt, black pants

fierce hair style, sexy eyes and all.

You kissed me on my right cheek

and it didn't make me weak

what it did make was me

unable to talk or speak.

My friend said you were a man of surprise

and I have to admit he was right

I was really really glad

you came tonight..

and I really really want to

kiss you next time

if that's alright :*P

My Listing Poem: You are and I am

2009-06-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

You are November
You are Saturday
deadly charming eyes
swept me off in May.

You are Blue
You are Yellow
most alluring real time Iago.

You are Pride
You are Arrogant
You are Darcy and Dutchie
That's what 's important.

I am Female
I am Crazy
I am A Girl Who Likes To Read
as You have mentioned.

I am June
I am Thursday
I am glad we met today.

June has just come
and I quite like it,
I would like it more than May
If you decide to come this Saturday,
X.

Blue Eyes

2009-06-04T18:54:00.002-07:00

You are washing away my dreary days
with your bright blue eyes
which never seemed so bright until today
when they beautifully met mine.

A Broken Jorney

2009-06-04T18:54:00.001-07:00

I have chosen you
and at this very moment
realized
to me, you can never be true.

So I set out for this jorney
in which there is no you.

Will things be alright
when the storm comes?
will there be any fire
to keep me from going numb.

I have set out for this jorney
the jorney which you
refused to come.

Oh it's getting dark
clouds gathering
the stars and their sparks
quietly hiding.
The cold wind, fiercely blowing

I have set out for this jorney
the jorney which seems to be
endlessly going.

Are they calling me?
Are they my friends?
Will they keep me company?
until this jorney ends?

I have set out for this jorney
My broken jorney which you
only can mend.

A Vain Attempt of Chaos and Order

2009-06-04T18:53:00.001-07:00

I am too crazy to be with a person like you.
You are order
I am chaos
my nature
is to be uncontrolled and lost.

I tried your rules,
laws and regularity
thought I'd get along
but your people
labeled me, 'crazy'

Now I understand
Not I belong
to your realm
called 'ordinary'
breaking your rules
by showing them 'me'

you have your people
to impress
wasting your time with me
those people may love you less
no. don't try. you are not capable of making
such a mess.

I am always alone
and alright.
don't worry about me
go on
enjoy your people and
your night.

not meant to be rude?
oh I understand.
It's okay. don't apologize.

I know
a person like you
always has to do what is right
now if you'll excuse me,
i have to go put out my candle light.

Valediction to My Vuurwerk

2009-06-04T18:51:00.000-07:00

My most exquisite fireworks, Farewell
Not sure if you or the gods undid the spell
Or if my heart simply got scared?
I could not really tell.

You entered my dark blue sky
so beautifully, with the lights,
and rays of Richard Cory.
Two days have gone by
This moment is ending already.

The Sun is lightening up my Dusky Sky
You are fading away and my Stars
saying goodbye.
You are still there and so am I .

See not each other
tho dwell under this same blue sky
I understand but still wonder
why.

The Bird and The Surfer

2009-06-04T18:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to start
So many feelings are surfing my heart
We never are together
Why is it so lonely when we are apart?

You came knocking at my door.
I answered and said 'Yes
I'd like to know you more.'
From then I know,
We'd never be what we had been before.

You took me out to The Sea.
I could feel The Waves
crashing inside my body.
Your blue eyes having
a conversation with me.

I never wanted to go out there
Tho with you, I do not feel so scared
To you, my dark blue sky,
I'd like to share.

The inner me, you see
Right this moment, beside me
you still firmly be.

This is how The Bird
Bravely flew deep down
The Sea.

And You Wonder Why She Isn't With You

2009-06-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

Seeing you blue
my night becomes starless
What is it all about?..ask, I want to
though scared I'd make a mess
of us like I used to do.

You are living your own life
and I , mine
But you in your blue days I can't
just walk right by
like you always do when I
in mine.

I only know you now
through the screen
and your words
are like clouds
to which I cannot reach.

Reading the words
for the other girl you meant
brings me back to that night we
spent
in September.
I want your blue days to ago away
O..I wish I had that power.
I really wish I could be more
sober.

Your presence always has that effect upon me..
Cette nuit est more than enough,
Merci mon cheri.

A Washed Off Memory

2009-06-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

Have i just made another
mistake?
What did you just make me feel?
cold hot or what?
warm I know
it is not.

Our faint mind painting I hold dear
used to calm my soul and bring you near.
tonight

You

and your
cold existence

Just

made that
disappear.

Washed

Me

Off

Your

and my only

Memory.

it was one beautiful pack
of seconds I had with you
yet you never realized
it ever existed
so you seemed okay to leave
me here

Devastated..

The World Shut Its Eyes

2009-06-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

Cold rice on my plate
waiting until its too late
never touched or looked
you walked by
and the world shut its eyes.

Warm rice on my plate
waiting to be chosen
never noticed only forgotten
you walked by
and the world shut its eyes.

Hot rice on my plate
waiting for others instead
looked once smelled and smiled
you walked by
and the world shut its mind.

February 27th

2009-06-04T18:45:00.001-07:00

You Turned my February
upsideDown
washing my pink feathers off
painting Black
Rubbing off my smiles
with that same charming voice
What made me think for real
you'd ever come Back?

A lesson never learned.
My Things with Feathers
always fly away and never
Return.
The last one flew of with you
with its wings
burned.

Happy Blue Love Song

2009-06-04T18:43:00.002-07:00

Walking Down the stairs,
Talking, whining, smiling
Brightly in my Blue Flynow dress
O the violet flowers are blooming.

What a lovely day it is,
Regardless of an exam
that'll probably be a mess.
Why should I care in a time like this?

A guy in the black shirt walks by
I say hi and smile at his bright Blue eyes
Smile back he does, and says Good Morning.
O what a lovely day I am having.

Last Night..
It all started when I was on my bed sleeping
When I heard the song 'All My Loving'
Rightaway...
I knew it was you calling.

Went back to bed and started dreaming
Of another guy
Woke up this morning smiling
I didn't bother to ask why.

This Happy Blue Love Song is Mine.

Torn into Two

2009-06-04T18:43:00.001-07:00

That voice
through the phone
again
bring long lost friends
pleasure and pain

convinced
nothing remains.

you-made mystery
"Do you want a credit card, miss?"
"Remember me? your old highschool friend"
and those kinds of stories

deceived
nothing remains.

yes. yes.
there
it's always been.

yes. yes.
now
caught in between

you and you
and me torn into two

Old and New
both ways my heart
flew.

what about the now?
where to?

Old you makes me forget New
but you never can stay.

New, I'm reminded of you
everytime I listen
to coldplay.

I need both you and you
I dare say.

Desperately selfish it sounds
I know
That explains my attempt
to walk away after every show.

Though most of the time I fail
and both you and you
better than anyone in this world
know.

Trust me
am trying
to let
go.

Save Me.

2009-06-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

Am I crazy?
Have I gone insane?
No?
why then?
why i can't stop these
thoughts and tears
why i think those eyes are spear
that pierce through me.

God, to you i cry
take me out
Out of insanity
God, to you i cry
bring me back
Back into sanity.

In me: what is going on?
no longer i know who is me.
that body and mind are being torn
into strings that strap reality.
Dear God to you i cry,
Save me.

The Death of Confidence

2009-06-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Wrong.
what I think is right.
Sucks.
what I believe is okay.
No one
ever wants to listen
To what I have to say.

The mind wanders
out and away..
it has never been
okay.
Words
eating up my trust
day after day.

If there's a counselor
I'm ready to pay
for one to really
listen
to what i have to
say to
tell me things will
be just okay.

the sound of those truths I hear
together pieces letters spelled 'fear'
what i have heard couldn't have been more clear.

Badly I always write
according to the teacher
this is not right.
Can I do better?
Do I want to do better?
I might not.
I might.

I just want a break now if that's alright.

A Doormat Friend

2009-06-04T18:40:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry, friend,
anymore, i can not
do this.
I can not save us, if you
do not give a shit.

you want to look cool,
hot and all.
writing nothing,
saying nothing
too personal.

scared once again,
to you I will fall?

I know we are friends.
buddy, I still do.
you know between us,
there never are
stupid rules.

do not make me,
do not like you.

you have changed
back hands to feet,
I do not know
what I would do
next time we meet.

words are just words
you said.
actions should we
instead
contemplate.

actions i saw none
around here,
a few words
from you
I saw but did not hear.

What should i contemplate now
my dear?

I am too tired of
being a doormat friend
there is this thing
once break
neither of us can mend.

I am not what you think I am
I know you never give a damn

I am tired of being your doormat friend
Is our whole friendship relationship
just another stupid scam
that is soon to end?

I Let Words On The Screen Speak For Me

2009-06-04T18:39:00.001-07:00

I let words on the screen speak for me
words inside my head
am I thinking straight?
words words words
through my lips
did i lose the ability?

to cope with this?
crawling back into my mind
words inside my head
i try to find
words words words
on the screen
did i lose the ability

to control me?
reentering myself, fear
in coming, nearer, near
did i lose the ability

to finish this
poetry I am trying to write?

Leaving My Feeling

2009-06-04T18:38:00.002-07:00

Sometimes,
there is something about you that scares me
the seriousness and all those things
you say so intensely.

Sometimes,
there is something about you that fascinates me
the kindheartedness and all those things
you do so wonderfully.

Sometimes,
you push me away

Sometimes,
you pull me near

Sometimes,
there is something about you that scares me
Do you hear
me? the way you make me feel and all those things
Do you hear
me? the way I feel about you and all those things.

This time,
Do you hear
me? I am
leaving.

Tears

2009-06-04T18:38:00.001-07:00

Leave me, Tears
I don’t want you now.
Go. Be gone
I do not want you around.

Alone now I need to be
What is in me that brings
You here?
Is it insanity that keeps calling
And treading upon my feelings
I fear?
I want you gone now, Tears.

Or is it despair
That keeps saying
‘ you belong nowhere’
and makes me forever
at Sally’s screen
stare.
Get out, tears.
You are stealing my air.

Now, I cannot speak, sing or cry
Because people will ask for the reason why..
The reason is something I need to hide.

Come back later late at night
And to me you can do whatever you like.
I shall not stop you, Tears.
Anytime but now
Is alright.

A Poem for a Friend in the Quotation Mark

2009-06-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

Now yesterday we were together
You talking, I resting
“where’s my writer?’
got up smiling
grabbed a marker
“back to work is now
your writer.”

Do you miss
Our three evenings and nights?
I am not with you this time
and it doesn't feel right.

I do miss
The night sky, those green signs,
The traffic lights and
Most Definitely,
Me in the car You drive.

I miss eating with you
I miss the moments
We belong to.
More than any of these
I miss you being you.

I keep forgetting
yesterday
Over
were
our
three evenings.

I keep forgetting
There is nowhere
No more
Together
We are going.

I keep forgetting
This Sunday
You are leaving.

O I remember
The time we were arguing..
About silly stuff again and over
It always ended with us smiling

Now I remember
Soon, this is going to be over…

Yet I feel
Something I lack.
Yet I feel
I don’t want you to go back
I want you to stay
At least this one more day

Tonight I see those lights
Here in the city
But they do not mean anything
Like those we saw three days
in the country.

You slowed down and
let me take photos of those lights
Green, red, yellow, beautiful
and blurry
On each hot cool ride,
We talked about many things
Your music, my music
Joyfully along we were singing.
Some Thai parts you did not
Understand
To you I kept translating
And we ended up laughing.

Enough, enough
Of all this.
Reminiscing does not always bring
The bliss.
It blocks us from seeing
What reality really is.

Reality is that you and I
Are 'friends'
But there’s always this thing
I never can comprehend.

I guess I think too much.
I guess I should stop
Writing
Then.

Fury

2009-06-04T18:35:00.001-07:00

January 06 09 8:33am

I do not like you, Daylight
Now especially,
Jet black sky and sparkles
always make
me feel right and happy.

Your arrogant brightness
burned down my dream.
Under your hot destructive touch
nothing is beautiful and bright
as it seems.

Turn away from me, Sun.
This is not the way my day should've begun.

Of all time and time,
you selected my moment,
my only moment
Gone.
Crushed.
Not by me spent.

Your ray pierced thru
my eyes aiming for my soul.
Lit fire on it.
Nothing I have left to hold.

Go away, could you?
at least out of my sight.
Closing my eyes
still defeated
by your powerful red light.

Away, away
from you I could not run.
A shattered dream.
piece by piece
I'm counting
one by one.

My kNight
Wherefore you are not here?
Forty-three thousand
and two hundred seconds I wait
for you to calm my fear.

I hate you Light of Day
You left me nothing to say.

O invincible prison.

Turn away from me, Sun.
No.
Not this way
my day should have
Begun.

Santika

2009-06-04T18:18:00.000-07:00

It's one minute passed midnight
The time when
everything
and
nothing
was alright

one cheering
another screaming
one drinking
another choking
Is this the reason why
the moon wasn't smiling?

No. no one i know was there.
but i can't act like i do not care.
many lost their loved ones.
Too soon. Too sudden.
Can this be undone?

Ears try to ignore
but eyes try to explore.
Blood, Smoke, Eyes streaming with tears.
party people locked up by fear.

they were there to have fun.
celebrating the new year which
had just begun. one second changed
it all.
Can this be undone?

Is this how the new year starts?
how can it be
when many'd lost their hearts?
The party house turned ruins.
all the singings turned cryings.

Is this how the new year starts?
how can it be
when many'd
LOST
their
Hearts?